5 Popular Misconceptions Singles Have About Marriage
“We just have to marry and everything will fall into place”, “if you marry the person you truly love your marriage will be filled with endless passion” this and many more have been the thought of many singles who marry expecting marital bliss but a few years later tears of disillusionment fill their eyes. Joshua Liebman said ‘And they live happily after’ is one of the most tragic sentences in literature, it is tragic because it is a falsehood. It is a myth that has led generations to expect something that is not possible”
Misconceptions Singles Have About Marriage
There are many popular myths or misconceptions about marriage that has led many to misery, what are they and how can they destroy our plans for happiness?
1. Misconception about Place of Love in Marriage
Singles have the misconception that’ true love lasts forever’ and ‘love solves all problems’ but these are not true. It is true that love is important and absence of it can lead to chaos but the presence of love cannot bring peace on its own to your marriage.
Many singles marry with stars in their eyes and end up with wounds in their hearts: the first thing you need to understand is that there will be challenges in spite of the love you have for each other. Love is not a problem solver! It takes maturity and wisdom to tackle problems; that is why you have to grow up before you get married.
2. Misconception about Sex in Marriage
Many marry because they want to have sex frequently but funny enough when they receive the certificate to do it the urge reduces or disappears. Many women have packed out of their matrimonial home because they think they can’t meet up with their husband’s demand for sex, many husbands have extra-marital affairs because they don’t find their wives ‘sexy’ anymore and funny enough some wives are lamenting that they are not getting enough sex.
As singles don’t assume that great sex will just happen in marriage, you have to take responsibility for it. Talk about your sexual expectations now. Don’t think you know all there is to know about sex either! Watching pornography will not solve your sex problems either, but reading good books like The Act of Marriage written by Tim and Beverly LaHaye, experienced Christian couples can help.
3. Misconception about Money in Marriage
Women marry thinking there will always be enough money and men marry believing God will always provide if they work hard. Too little or not enough money has been one of the causes of divorce and separation among couples, the irony is that too much money has also been the cause of broken homes because the problem of how to manage it will arise.
Men in the quest to make more money have abandoned their wife and children. Do you expect your wife to work? Do you expect your husband to provide for all your needs? Discuss each other’s expectation about money and finances. Reading books like 10 Money Mistakes Women Make by Oladimeji Olutimehin and Things I Wish I’d Known before Marriage by Gary Chapman can help you know how to solve money problems.
4. Misconception about Happiness in Marriage
Marriage cannot make you happy, you are the architect of your own happiness and God should be the source of your joy. Disillusionment has led many men to beer parlors and many women to parties and hotels in a bid to get back at their spouse for not giving them the happiness they craved. It is common for women to say “I want a man that will make me happy and make me his priority” and men keep expecting their spouse to devout all their time to taking care of the home and their children.
Discuss your expectations because: if you are not happy before marriage, you can’t be happy after marriage. Marriage is just like an empty box, you have to fill it up with treasures you desire in marriage, happiness will not just happen, take time to create the atmosphere, reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman can help you know how to create happy atmospheres at home. Don’t also forget that God in homes brings a sense of tranquility and bliss.
5. Misconception about In-Laws in Marriage
Most single ladies cringe at the mention of ‘mother-in-law’; she is the monster ladies fast and pray about before marriage. Men, on the other hand, hate sharing their spouse with her family and accuse her of being immature if she reports a crisis in her home to them. The fact remains that you can’t just expect in-laws on both sides to disappear after marriage. Discuss how to handle them now before marriage! Your in-laws shouldn’t be ignored or resented; they should be handled with wisdom.
Marriage is full of joys and sorrows, passion and pains; it can be sweet and it can be sour, expect it and be equipped to deal with it! This does not mean that marital bliss is not possible; it means someone has to be responsible for it.
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